Helping kids cope with crisis

By Dan Brennan — May 15, 2009

“Oh no, Daddy, ohh noo! Fire engine? Daddy, fire engine for Andy?” are the words that came from my panicked two year old boy’s mouth as we evacuated our house in the middle of the night. A boy who normally likes the sounds of sirens was very worried that fire engines were on the way to his house.

Our recent evacuation during the Jesusita fire made me think about the anxiety that children feel when a stressful situation confronts their family. Here are some suggestions to consider if your family is facing a crisis.

What are children afraid of?

When a child confronts a stressful situation, he will be frightened by the chaos and anxiety surrounding him. His imagination will run wild. He will worry that someone close to him will be harmed or that he will be separated from his family.

As parents, it is essential that we take steps to minimize fear and anxiety as quickly as possible.

Be as calm as you can

When I saw Andy panic, I did my best to reassure him and make him laugh. Once I explained that the fire engines were not coming to our house, I asked if he wanted to visit his new cousin, Baby Jakey. This brought a smile to his face, distracted him from his immediate fear and helped him get excited about moving to our evacuation site.

Establish comfort

When a child is evacuated from her home, she may experience a sense of loss and confusion. She may cope by exhibiting some regressive behaviors. Providing familiar comforts such as a favorite toy, blanket, clothes or snacks may help restore order and relieve anxiety.

Included in our evacuation plan, we grabbed Josh’s Batman cape, his Angels T-Ball uniform, the boys’ Rally Monkeys and a couple of their favorite games.

Encourage communication

Allow your children to talk about the disaster and ask you questions. Encourage them to describe their feelings and listen to what they say. This will be therapeutic for them and will allow you to better understand their needs.

In simple terms, offer an explanation of what is going on and discuss your family plans. Letting our boys know that our family was getting away from the ash and smoke and headed to their cousin’s house helped them adjust and cope.

Include your children in activities

Delegate age-appropriate responsibilities and chores. This will help the kids participate in the recovery and healing process and may serve as an important distraction. Having a job, such as carrying their toys or unpacking their clothes, will help them realize that they will be all right.

Keep your family together

Sometimes families need to spend time getting their affairs in order, such as looking for new housing or a shelter. It might seem easier to leave the kids with friends or relatives, but this is a time when kids will want to be with their mom and dad. Keeping the family together as much as possible will offer a much needed layer of comfort and reassurance.

Hug your kids

After a stressful situation, be sure to hug and hold your children. Remind them how much you love them and reassure them that the events are not their fault. Allow children to mourn their own losses and offer them praise as often as you can.

Re-establish a “normal” schedule as soon as possible

Children respond best to a regular routine. When tragedy disrupts their schedules, do your best to quickly establish new routines for school, activities, homework and resume play dates with their friends as soon as you can.

Consider the services of a professional

Don’t forget about counselors, clergy and your friendly pediatrician. Sometimes children need someone outside of the family to talk to. Parents may need additional support and ideas to help them comfort their children.

Locally, we are fortunate to have the assistance of the Family Service Agency ( www.fsacares.org). FSA offers a free, 24-hour information, referral and crisis counseling telephone hotline: 1-800-400-1572. Also, Jewish Family Service (www.jewishsantabarbara.org) is providing free individual counseling to those impacted, traumatized or upset by our recent fire. Services are open to all and available by calling 957-1116.

A lasting impact

Children are very aware of the way adults handle emergency situations. When we show stress, our children feel stress. Creating an immediate sense of calm and control over a difficult situation will help the whole family feel relaxed and reassured. The way a parent acts during a crisis will leave a lasting impression and set an example for the kids to follow.

My heart goes out to so many families who have suffered devastating losses during our recent fires.

Dr. Dan Brennan is a board-certified pediatrician and Santa Barbara native who is very appreciative of our firefighters and emergency services. His column can be found in the Daily Sound on the 1st and 3rd Fridays of each month. Please contact him at 563-6211 or visit www.SBPediatrics.com.

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