What PMS really stands for
I used to think that PMS was a myth.
Like fat free cheese that doesn’t taste like plastic, the Loch Ness Monster, celery having negative calories, and conditioner that repairs split ends—I was convinced that Premenstrual Syndrome didn’t really exist. I would secretly snicker to myself when my girlfriends complained that the turning of their hormonal tides meant the churning desire to bite someone’s head off was nearing.
While I had heard that PMS stood for “People Must Suffer,” “Pissy Mood Syndrome” and “Pass My Sweatpants” in other households, ours stayed relatively serene. Sure, certain times of the month I might crave a little more chocolate, and then salt, and then chocolate—but I wouldn’t morph into a drama queen the way my friend Rose did when she banished her teenage daughter from the house after she ate the last Kit Kat left over from Halloween. (“Provide Me Sweets”)
What kind of crazy family has leftover Halloween candy in November anyway?
And I certainly wouldn’t yell, “You moron. It says 15 items or less. Can’t you $%@&$%@ count to 15? Each of your %$#@$ 11 jars of prunes counts as one,” to an elderly man in the grocery store like Tia did, on a particularly gloomy day. (“Pass My Shotgun” or “Potential Murder Suspect”)
What was up with these “Particularly Moody Sickos” anyway? Why did otherwise sane women turn into stark raving lunatics? (“Perverse Mean Streak”) I seriously didn’t get it. But I was smart enough to run for cover, and make a few notations on my calendar.
When my otherwise awesome (and sane) friends turned into “Perfectly Mean Sistas” just because a few “Pimples May Surface” I steered clear, and privately wondered if they might need counseling.
Then I turned 40. “Pardon My Sobbing.”
The mood swings came on gradually. I woke up one morning wanting to kill my husband because his breathing was so annoying, (“Plainly Men Suck”) got up, took a shower and felt better.
The next month it felt like a gunpowder and Redbull cocktail had been injected into my bloodstream. A clerk at Long’s was humming an off key version of “Please Men Shut-up” as he stacked a display of Rosarita Refried Beans, and it took every ounce of my self-control not to ram my cart into his vocally challenged face.
I wrote it off to stress, and self-medicated with bon-bons and romance novels. (“Praying Mood Subsides”)
It took a few more months for me to acknowledge to myself that I was starting to feel touchy, stressed, and well, sort of bitchy on a regular basis. Perhaps PMS wasn’t a myth after all. I was just a really, really, late bloomer. Lucky me.
It took another year to admit to my husband (“Punish My Spouse”) that I might possibly be experiencing some minor monthly mood swings. Perhaps hormones might be causing a few of my increased emotions and incoherent thoughts, i.e. extra tears and crazy rantings.
The relief on his face was palpable. I had finally entered the “Please Make Sense” phase of my cycle. He said, “Really? I hadn’t noticed.” (“Perfect Man Sarcasm”) – but then smiled, and asked if I needed supplies. We’ve both finally figured out that “Pinot Means Serenity” and “Peanut (Butter M&Ms) Mean Smiles” as well.
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Tell Leslie what you think PMS stands for at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Comment on this article
Ohhhhh, it's real : 6/5/2009
I have a wife and 3 daughters, all now in their cycles. PMS is real and the reason men fish, drink, hunt, drink, play sports, drink, watch sports, drink and finally, drink.
:-)
PMS : 6/5/2009
I'm often in the Praying Mood Subsides part of the cycle myself, living with a wife and four daughters. Thank God for the internet. Funny column.
David
: 6/5/2009
Leslie has written a good article! The first poster is just as hilarious. Hope he catches a big one. Sounds like he deserves it!
cute : 6/7/2009
Wish I could write like that!
ruralwannabe
PMS Relief : 6/8/2009
If you are interested, you could look at a product called Female Comfort. It usually relieves within a 1-2 hours. It has been used by millions of women. I must admit, I am a master herbalist and understand the underly problem. The spleen becomes sluggish because it lacks energy, then the blood moves slow, many many vulnerable to sweets to speed up the spleen. And when the body ut 2 days latter her energy was back to vital and enjoying life like thousands I have assisted. Mark Hammer, C.M.H. Master Herbalist
PMS Relief (cont.) : 6/8/2009
Its too bad this service took off half of my explanation of PMS so others could understand the underly problems and get relief in 24-48 hrs. Mark Hammer at Longevity Mountain You can find more info at http://www.traditional-chinese-herbs.com/ Good luck Mark
Who knows what she actually writes : 6/9/2009
This is a nice article. Really it is. Too bad your author, Leslie Dinaberg felt the need to plagerize her April 10, 2009 article "Brag Hags" from a blogger we all love to read and try to sell it off on her blog as her own. I'm sure you will get more information regarding THAT little problem, because, really, there are so many real writers out there it will be easy to find a replacement for Ms. Dinaberg.
So, It Doesn't Stand For "PLAGIARISM"? : 6/9/2009
Plagiarism Means Person cannot write on their own so they steal the words of others.
Person Appalled by Plagiarism
Plagarism or Original? : 6/9/2009
Your writing may be good if it is actually yours. These examples Original - http://www.nashvillescene.com/2008-05-22/columns/the-brag-hag Yours - http://www.lesliedinaberg.com/Columns.php?choice=Brag+Hags Might want to take it down before others can find out about your plagarism.
Plagarism Sucks
PMS : 6/10/2009
PMS = Plagiarize My Story. In an article she wrote last month, Leslie Dinaberg stole full sentences from an article I wrote last year. Check out my blog for more details www.suburbanturmoil.com
Suburban Turmoil
Steal much? : 6/10/2009
Who did you copy this story from? Just curious - cause I like original stuff and I might want to check out the author. You should be ashamed. I hope your editors fact-check every article you submit from now on - if you still even have a job.
Kim in Nashville
Fire This Writer : 6/10/2009
Please remove all stories by this writer, she is a fraud.
: 6/10/2009
I wrote the third post here saying Leslie has written a good article. I wrote that because I thought all of her previous articles stunk, and was really surprised at how clever this current article was, compared to the previous ones. Maybe this article was plagiarized and that would explain the sudden change in quality. Hmmmmmm. Sorry, no time to research it on my own but it is suspicious....
Research : 6/11/2009
Here is some of her possible "inspiration:" http://www.paradiseawaits.com/Woman3.html http://www.wilk4.com/humor/humorm376.htm http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070313120527AAsax4i http://www.thekittles.com/men_only,_pms_survival.htm She came up with "particularly moody sickos," "perverse mean streak," "perfectly mean sistas," "praying mood subsides" "perfect man sarcasm" "pinot means serenity" and "peanut mean smiles" all by herself. Out of 19 PMS references, 12 were previously published elsewhere.
The Researcher
Plagiarism : 6/11/2009
PMS = PARDON MY STEALING
Amy
: 6/11/2009
I don't know, aren't these sayings public domain? Kinda like using the word "Dude"?
There is a difference... : 6/12/2009
between commonly used sayings and taking someone else's work, changing a sentence or two and then passing it off as her own. I've seen 'her' work compared side by side with the originals (and there are many of them) and the theivery is quite blatant. It would seem, however, that this paper does not care. Therefore, I'll be taking my reading needs to a more original site. One where they consider plagarism as despicable as I do.
Disgusted
What PMS stands for : 11/20/2009
I think all these hissing cats making comments about plagarism must be in the throes of PMS themselves. I came looking for some help with PMSing daughter and found - ??? not sure what to call it. I took a look at some of the sites listed as "orginal" and couldn't really find anything blatant enough to warrant the attacks of plagarism. By the way folks - " " -(quotes) are just that - a way to distinquish what you wrote vs. what someone else did. Leslie used them extensively in this article. My advice to all the nasties - grow up and get a life! p.s. To Suburban Turmoil writer - "ear lobes?" - Really?! Go join the Red Cross or the PTA or something - You clearly have too much time on your hands!
Mary Ann
Women are worth it. : 11/21/2009
To all our women. Even though we men suffer from your monthly erratic and emotional behavior I want you all to know that we understand the physiology and you are ALL WORTH EVERY BIT OF IT. We do love you in spite of it. You are our better half.
SV
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